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Parents…You have life as well…








Dear Parent, YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO!





Samuel Kanja





Samuel Kanja

Dear Parent, YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO!

With the numbers of SAD parents and HAPPY children rising EXPONENTIALLY, Parents must NORMALIZE some basics of SELF-CARE.

Modern Parents must NORMALIZE taking care of themselves as they take care of their children. Neglecting self-care consciously or unconsciously WILL NOT bring the best outcome in the dynamic and challenging parenting journey.

Missing life to make a life can turn out as a zero sum game if anything goes against ones expectations - this happens often when children whose parents have given them their all fail to IMPRESS and end up being a bother when they should be offering support or at least independent.

It is a misconception that parents can only start having  a fulfilled life after they are done with parenting - does parenting even end? Many think that parenting ends after launching out or weaning the 'kids' - but not at all! It just takes a different look, and demands different approach. Parenting can or is a lifetime task.

A balance between building the self and raising great children is doable! It can be done but it must be intentional and very tactical because it is not easy due to the social and mental expectations.

Effective Parenting ought to be part of a parent's lifestyle! One does not need to stop living his or her GOOD life because they are Parenting- these are not mutually exclusive processes.

Parents MUST respond positively, proportionately and aptly to their physical, emotional, social, mental, spiritual and professional needs without feeling like they are doing a big wrong or injustice to their children. And remember, today's child demands the wants and the needs, and the attention. This can be draining and bring a sorry state of things for the parents- some have felt eternally inadequate to their children neediness. Scare the FEAR and start the BALANCE. Be good to self not too HARD self - you the engine and if it stops, much stops.

Brokenness in parent(s) can have a ripple effect on the children or / and easily turn families dysfunctional! Today, I have witnessed many parents who have stopped living to make their children live...and from a counselling point of view, this may cause more harm than good because emotionally and mentally broken parent has a high likelihood of raising weak children. A physically weak parent is at risk of making the child his or her caretaker prematurely. Your body is your garden. Sacrifice is great but too much unnecessary sacrifice will live you without more to give.

Be strong! Be Empowered! Be Resilient...And raise your odds of witnessing your kids success - (Holding factors constant)

Be responsible with self.

Be kind to self.

Be your greatest friend.

Cheer yourself up.

Keep refreshing yourself.

Equip yourself for life's hard tackles.

Seek help if need be.

Better light a candle than curse darkness. Do that little thing for yourself as a parent. It makes a huge difference.

Quick reminders:

  • There is joy in parenting.
  • Parenting is not for cowards.
  • Parenting is not a natural process; it is a choice.
  • Parenting is hard, not the gravity's free fall.
  • Parenting is a unique task with no mandatory manual.

So, RELAX and do it!

Truly, you really have to love yourself to get ANYTHING done in this world - Love for self makes everything fall in line.

#STRONGPARENTS #STRONGCHILDREN

 ©️ Samuel Kanja

Psychologist & Life Coach

0729 368 307

www.ultimateexcellence.co.ke

Title: Dear Parent, YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO! Author: Samuel Kanja Publisher: Samuel Kanja Dear Parent, YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO! With the numbers of SAD parents and HAPPY children rising EXPONENTIALLY, Parents must NORMALIZE some basics of SELF-CARE. Modern Parents must NORMALIZE taking care of themselves as they take care of their children. Neglecting […]

12 Parenting Mistakes Parents Must Watch Out For!






12 Parenting Mistakes Parents Must Watch Out For! Book Cover




12 Parenting Mistakes Parents Must Watch Out For!





Samuel Kanja


12 PARENTING Mistakes to WATCH OUT for...

Neglecting to Fix Problems - failing to act when most appropriate just makes the issues overwhelming and creates Parenting emergencies. Do not wait for a message (red flag) to be a mess for you to get into action. Parenting is a connected process that demands a flow.

Not Understanding that Every Child is Different - failure to identify the unique qualities of every child may lead to over reliant on ineffective approaches. An intervention can work for one but fail with another. The issue sometimes is not the method but the subject.

Over Protection and Providing Without Prudence - children need care but that care must not make the parent carefree. Every action ought to be objectively moderated. Overprotection can turn into unconscious abuse.

Losing Control too Early - a balance of control and authority is needed to avoid the extremes of authoritarian or permissive parenting styles. Adopting authoritative style increases the odds of having secure, responsible and much resilient children.

Having NO Boundaries - parents need to create functional and healthy boundaries aimed at creating a conducive environment of growth and development. Lack of this may lead to toxic parenting which denies children the space to be, belong and become. Be the great parent, great friendship will follow.

Being Disorganised and Inconsistent - order is very important in parenting as it helps inculcate responsibility and accountability. Lack of it can lead to over entitlement and looseness of behaviour. Family rules bring forth family values. Do not keep becoming perennially unpredictable in your way of parenting - it can be confusing.

Being the Source of Discouragement - children rely on their parent's affirmations even when they are not consciously mature to demand for it. When the opposite happens, then self-esteem and confidence is adulterated - this leads to lost sense of self and identity crisis.

Shame-filled Bad Manners - when parents directly do what is disrespectful in front of their children, it creates unwanted shitty values that are not easily reversible. Children will tend to convince themselves that if mom or dad are doing this, what's wrong with me doing it? Keep your filth away from your children.

Not Dealing with Sibling Rivalry - when children become fighters in the house, it destroys the core of the family subsystems and divides the attention as well as weakening the synergy that would help them be interdependent emotionally, socially and mentally.

Unrealistic Expectations - having no expectations, little expectations or exaggerated expectations can lead to complacency, laziness and emotional fatigue respectively. Expectations ought to be matched to a particular child with a goal to both support and challenge them within their ability and capacity.

Absence or Undependable Presence - Children yearn for quality time with their parents or guardians. One’s presence must be reliable and useful else the quantity of time spent may not be of any influence. Be there and let every moment count.

Not Showing the Way - As a parent, most likely you got to become what you are because your parents showed you the way...why not do the same without reservations to your children. Show them the way to spirituality, relationships, careers, good living, savings, investments and value based education...your luck may not be their luck.

©️Samuel Kanja

Life Coach & Counselling Psychologist

0729368307

Feel free to call & book our services @ Ultimate Excellence {www.ultimateexcellence.co.ke}

Training | Counselling | Coaching | Mentoring

Unleashing Your Best.

Title: 12 Parenting Mistakes Parents Must Watch Out For! Author: Samuel Kanja 12 PARENTING Mistakes to WATCH OUT for… Neglecting to Fix Problems – failing to act when most appropriate just makes the issues overwhelming and creates Parenting emergencies. Do not wait for a message (red flag) to be a mess for you to get […]

10 Effective Steps to Deal with Difficult Changes for Excellence

10 Effective Steps to Deal with Difficult Changes for Excellence 1. Avoid seeing change as all about yourself. Do not always take change personal, especially when others are involved. People are dynamic and different; be ready to accommodate them in the change process. 2. Instead of viewing change as a major upheaval, see it as […]

7 A’s of Transformation

7 A’s of Transformation Are you in a situation that you feel uneasy about and you are wondering how to overcome it and come out better? Find below a 7- Step Process that you can engage: Analyse Evaluate yourself deeply and honestly. Find how things are? How big is the problem? How did it get […]

8 tips to writing a killer subtitle for your book

8 tips to writing a killer subtitle for your book. One of the things people tell me often about my book Start is that they like the subtitle. If you haven’t seen it before, the subtitle is, “Punch fear in the face, escape average and do work that matters.” How did we come up with […]

Excerpt: Fashioned For Life






Fashioned For Life Book Cover




Fashioned For Life





Samuel Kanja





Motivational




Evagel




2012




Hard print




224




Introduction




About the book

"Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the difference? Your life is not poisoned. It’s not a curse! It’s not a punishment. If you knew that you are the greatest gift and blessing the world could get from God, you would sincerely love your life, live it proudly and avoid embarrassments by embracing all circumstances. God is neither a fool nor a liar! He keeps his promises of greatness and only his grace can make the difference. His grace calls for our co-operation and commitment. God has your story written down and his favor follows you wherever you go because no one deserves his goodness.

Fashioned for Life is a voice to all and is intended to equip you with pillars of life which are taken for granted but they can make your life stand out regardless of what comes your way. The world has conditioned us through its systems but we cannot remain slaves when freedom is with us and within us. It is a crusade of acknowledging that life is a gift-precious and marvelous. This book will enable you to be concerned with what can be and not what is. It provides a platform of valuing your life and trusting that you can manage it to get the best that God puts in you. By carefully reading this book, you will have an opportunity to be reunited with your life, restored, contented and then stepping forward towards greatness.

Fashioned for Life has what it takes to refresh your life and makes you see a new dawn of your life by having faith that you can be taken from a pit to the palace like Joseph. Unless we understand the basics of life, it will always be hard to appreciate it. Life was meant to be fulfilling and a series of moments of experiencing God’s goodness. However, people have changed its definition through disbelief and loss of hope at early stages or doing nothing and expecting the best. You have God’s signature and approval and you don’t have to fear the world of uncertainties if you only trust in God and be in action.

The principles that this book will propagate include but are not limited to the following:

Being in touch with your purpose

• Creating quality space for God and people in your life

• Having conducive attitudes and knowing your territory

• Following the right paths and greater principles

• Knowing the wells of life and being positioned

• Seeing life as a blessing and loving it

• Expecting the best and never giving up no matter what!

• Understanding God’s Law of “Nothing is impossible”

It’s my wish that Fashioned for Life will replenish your mind with winning thoughts and help you recalculate your dreams, re-energize your strategies and give you a new look. As you read this book, remember that God loves to be a magnifier and multiplier. That’s why he created only a man and a woman but expected them to fill the earth. Let’s all bring our efforts, lives and dreams to God so that he can refine them with greatness. The writing of this book began in my mind in the early days of my youth. I have been having experiences in my own life, and from other people, especially fellow youths, parents, friends, employees, and my fellow Christians. They have watered this idea to this point of germination. Most people are living in their own world, full of desperation, discouragements, self-hatred, solitude, misery, and irresponsible living for paltry reasons.

Most people are not in good terms with their lives; they have surrendered to what the world dictates. On the contrary, those who are having joy in their life have failed to significantly impact on the jeopardized lives of others .I believe that life was, is and will always be meant to be good for all. Let us all crawl, walk, and run to our destiny! I hope that this book will bless all those who will read it and the message of hope channeled to all those who need it at the right time before all gets lost. Better light a candle than curse darkness."

I recommend this book to every person who seeks to get more out of their life by changing their perspective on life.

Title: Fashioned For Life Author: Samuel Kanja Genre: Motivational Publisher: Evagel Release Date: 2012 Format: Hard print Pages: 224 Chapter: Introduction Sub topic: About the book “Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the difference? Your life […]

Excerpt: The Ultimate Recipe For A Wholesome Student






The Ultimate Recipe for a Wholesome Student Book Cover




The Ultimate Recipe for a Wholesome Student





Samuel Kanja





Motivational




The Ignition Key is Always the Self




Top ten ways that I believe will help any student improve self-esteem

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Everyone has something they wish they could change about their body, life and environment. Wishing you had someone else's body structure, hair, complexion, behavior and way of doing things takes away what is unique about you. Appreciating the qualities that you like in yourself will boost your spirits and minimize the things you do not like.

2. Focus on what you can change.

What you cannot control should never control you. It should not take any single moment of your valuable life and time. Rather than spending your energy on wishing you were taller, redirect your focus on something you can change like performance in a certain subject, sport, etc.

3. Practice self-care for what you have.

The more you love and take care of what you have now, the more likely you will move in the direction of self-improvement. Schedule your time properly to make use of every single minute. It is advisable to always manage time for what you value or what makes sense to your life by adding value to it. Learn to safeguard what you have by being a custodian. It helps to take stock of the good things that happen in your studies and talents.

4. Build a support system.

Spend time with people, especially students who have a positive influence on you and who energize you rather than reinforce bad habits. The people who put pressure on your performance can become your life support system if you make a sound decision to walk with them while sticking to your principles and virtues.

5. Lose yourself in a cause.

Spend time and energy on a cause you are passionate about. The rewards will put things into perspective, raise your spirits, and make you feel better about yourself. You cannot just be in school for the wrong reasons or for no reasons at all. There must be a motivation and drive behind your efforts. Goals must be set. Targets must be aimed and achievements must be made.

6. Be grateful for who you are and where you are.

The more you appreciate what you have been achieving and the potential you have to achieve more, the more you will be thankful for. Learn to see your school as the best. Discipline your mind to think more of success than of failure. Never feel that you are in the worst school, with the most inexperienced teachers and the most unfortunate students. This will only make your case worse.

7. Work on your inner-self.

There is more power in believing in yourself than in people believing in you. There is more in yourself than what the world can offer. The world or life in general can only supplement your inner self and support your beliefs. We are spiritual beings living a human experience and we are here to learn and grow. As a student, you must aim high but only if you are convinced that you have enough to take you to the greatest of your goals. When you listen to your inner voice and live your life based on its wisdom, people will see the beauty and creativity of the real you. Tap into yourself and learn to love who you truly are by practising meditation daily. Never ignore what your conscience tells you.

8. Take charge of your life.

One must be in the driving seat of his or her life. This makes life an experience rather than a blind walk. Most students fail in school and in life because they never take initiative. They are never the first to control their lives. We leave our lives to our teachers, parents and even peers. We do not have time to nurture our lives as students. We abandon our lives, leave it to others and start living the lives of others.

9. Understand yourself and be real.

Be honest with yourself and know who you are. Never mistake your success with the success of the school. Your future will never rely on the school’s performance or the performance of other students. Your own understanding of your capabilities, weaknesses and relevance will open your potential and attract new opportunities. Look at a picture of yourself and believe in that image! You were and still are a precious darling of the universe. You are a unique gem with immense value and worth. Start digging for this value.

10. Remember, what you resist persists.

What you resist, you become. Fighting against yourself, teachers, parents, and environment and against those who are better than you will only deny you the chance to move ahead. The exciting thing is; you can change. Change your mind to change your life. How do you do this? Make the decision to shift your thinking and your emotions will follow. The way we think is the way we act. Our actions dictate our lives to the EXTREME.

Title: The Ultimate Recipe for a Wholesome Student Author: Samuel Kanja Genre: Motivational Chapter: The Ignition Key is Always the Self Sub topic: Top ten ways that I believe will help any student improve self-esteem 1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has something they wish they could change about their body, life and environment. […]

Fashioned for life review by Samuel Kanja






Fashioned for Life Book Cover




Fashioned for Life





Samuel Kanja





Christian Motivational




Evangel Publishing House




2012




Hardcover




224



It’s not a secret that you are awesome!

Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the difference? Your life is not poisoned. It’s not a curse! It’s not a punishment. If you knew that you are the greatest gift and blessing the world could get from God, you would sincerely love your life, live it proudly and avoid embarrassments by embracing all circumstances. God is neither a fool nor a liar! He keeps his promises of greatness and only his grace can make the difference. His grace calls for our co-operation and commitment. God has your story written down and his favor follows you wherever you go because no one deserves his goodness.

Fashioned for Life is a voice to all and is intended to equip you with pillars of life which are taken for granted but they can make your life stand out regardless of what comes your way. The world has conditioned us through its systems but we cannot remain slaves when freedom is with us and within us. It is a crusade of acknowledging that life is a gift-precious and marvelous. This book will enable you to be concerned with what can be and not what is. It provides a platform of valuing your life and trusting that you can manage it to get the best that God puts in you. By carefully reading this book, you will have an opportunity to be reunited with your life, restored, contented and then stepping forward towards greatness.

Fashioned for Life has what it takes to refresh your life and makes you see a new dawn of your life by having faith that you can be taken from a pit to the palace like Joseph. Unless we understand the basics of life, it will always be hard to appreciate it. Life was meant to be fulfilling and a series of moments of experiencing God’s goodness. However, people have changed its definition through disbelief and loss of hope at early stages or doing nothing and expecting the best. You have God’s signature and approval and you don’t have to fear the world of uncertainties if you only trust in God and be in action.

The principles that this book will propagate include but are not limited to the following:

• Being in touch with your purpose

• Creating quality space for God and people in your life

• Having conducive attitudes and knowing your territory

• Following the right paths and greater principles

• Knowing the wells of life and being positioned

• Seeing life as a blessing and loving it

• Expecting the best and never giving up no matter what!

• Understanding God’s Law of “Nothing is impossible”

It’s my wish that Fashioned for Life will replenish your mind with winning thoughts and help you recalculate your dreams, re-energize your strategies and give you a new look. As you read this book, remember that God loves to be a magnifier and multiplier. That’s why he created only a man and a woman but expected them to fill the earth. Let’s all bring our efforts, lives and dreams to God so that he can refine them with greatness. The writing of this book began in my mind in the early days of my youth. I have been having experiences in my own life, and from other people, especially fellow youths, parents, friends, employees, and my fellow Christians. They have watered this idea to this point of germination. Most people are living in their own world, full of desperation, discouragements, self-hatred, solitude, misery, and irresponsible living for paltry reasons.

Most people are not in good terms with their lives; they have surrendered to what the world dictates. On the contrary, those who are having joy in their life have failed to significantly impact on the jeopardized lives of others .I believe that life was, is and will always be meant to be good for all. Let us all crawl, walk, and run to our destiny! I hope that this book will bless all those who will read it and the message of hope channeled to all those who need it at the right time before all gets lost. Better light a candle than curse darkness.

I recommend this book to every person who seeks to get more out of their life by changing their perspective on life.

Title: Fashioned for Life Author: Samuel Kanja Genre: Christian Motivational Publisher: Evangel Publishing House Release Date: 2012 Format: Hardcover Pages: 224 It’s not a secret that you are awesome! Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the […]

Fashioned for Life






Fashioned for Life Book Cover




Fashioned for Life





Samuel Kanja





Christian Motivational




Evangel Publishing House




2012




Hardcover




224



It’s not a secret that you are awesome!

Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the difference? Your life is not poisoned. It’s not a curse! It’s not a punishment. If you knew that you are the greatest gift and blessing the world could get from God, you would sincerely love your life, live it proudly and avoid embarrassments by embracing all circumstances. God is neither a fool nor a liar! He keeps his promises of greatness and only his grace can make the difference. His grace calls for our co-operation and commitment. God has your story written down and his favor follows you wherever you go because no one deserves his goodness.

Fashioned for Life is a voice to all and is intended to equip you with pillars of life which are taken for granted but they can make your life stand out regardless of what comes your way. The world has conditioned us through its systems but we cannot remain slaves when freedom is with us and within us. It is a crusade of acknowledging that life is a gift-precious and marvelous. This book will enable you to be concerned with what can be and not what is. It provides a platform of valuing your life and trusting that you can manage it to get the best that God puts in you. By carefully reading this book, you will have an opportunity to be reunited with your life, restored, contented and then stepping forward towards greatness.

Fashioned for Life has what it takes to refresh your life and makes you see a new dawn of your life by having faith that you can be taken from a pit to the palace like Joseph. Unless we understand the basics of life, it will always be hard to appreciate it. Life was meant to be fulfilling and a series of moments of experiencing God’s goodness. However, people have changed its definition through disbelief and loss of hope at early stages or doing nothing and expecting the best. You have God’s signature and approval and you don’t have to fear the world of uncertainties if you only trust in God and be in action.

The principles that this book will propagate include but are not limited to the following:

• Being in touch with your purpose

• Creating quality space for God and people in your life

• Having conducive attitudes and knowing your territory

• Following the right paths and greater principles

• Knowing the wells of life and being positioned

• Seeing life as a blessing and loving it

• Expecting the best and never giving up no matter what!

• Understanding God’s Law of “Nothing is impossible”

It’s my wish that Fashioned for Life will replenish your mind with winning thoughts and help you recalculate your dreams, re-energize your strategies and give you a new look. As you read this book, remember that God loves to be a magnifier and multiplier. That’s why he created only a man and a woman but expected them to fill the earth. Let’s all bring our efforts, lives and dreams to God so that he can refine them with greatness. The writing of this book began in my mind in the early days of my youth. I have been having experiences in my own life, and from other people, especially fellow youths, parents, friends, employees, and my fellow Christians. They have watered this idea to this point of germination. Most people are living in their own world, full of desperations, discouragements, self-hatred, solitude, misery, and irresponsible living for paltry reasons.

Most people are not in good terms with their lives; they have surrendered to what the world dictates. On the contrary, those who are having joy in their life have failed to significantly impact on the jeopardized lives of others .I believe that life was, is and will always be meant to be good for all. Let us all crawl, walk, and run to our destiny! I hope that this book will bless all those who will read it and the message of hope channeled to all those who need it at the right time before all gets lost. Better light a candle than curse darkness.

I recommend this book to every person who seeks to get more out of their life by changing their perspective on life.

Title: Fashioned for Life Author: Samuel Kanja Genre: Christian Motivational Publisher: Evangel Publishing House Release Date: 2012 Format: Hardcover Pages: 224 It’s not a secret that you are awesome! Life can be confusing and tasteless and in many circumstances, we feel we are experiencing the worst and having the least. What can really make the […]